We’re always being told how great plants are – you know, helping us breathe and all that. So it makes sense that there are plenty of articles and tips on mindfulness out there that encourage you to ‘bring the outside in’ and add some green goodness to your home.
And I’m totally on board with that. In theory.
The reality is I’m really, really bad at keeping the bloody things alive. No matter how their labels tell me that ‘I’m easy to care for’, there is apparently no plant safe from my murderous ways. Look, this one has only lasted a few months and he’s already giving up on me, the little bastard.
And so, here I find myself preparing to cycle through the five stages of (plant) grief as my little guy starts to depart from this world.
Us hopeful young plant owners have all been there. One day, you walk past your precious little green guy and notice he’s looking a little sad. We water him immediately, because there is absolutely no way we could have killed another one. He just needs a little drink. He is definitely not dead.
Ever since we first noticed our friend – let’s give him a name, shall we? – Carey Plant, looking droopy, we’ve kept a close eye on him. Topping him up, desperately moving him in and out of sunshine – but to no avail.
This is absolutely preposterous. We’re being mugged off by a plant.
The anguish sinks in. We are begging Carey Plant to make a grand recovery so that we won’t be known as the Serial Plant Killer for the rest of our days – and that one smug green-fingered friend won’t laugh us out the door.
Come on, little guy. Do this for me. Do this for me.
Carey has not recovered. In fact, since he’s now suffered through over-watering and been subjected to all manner of inconsistent temperatures, he looks worse than ever. Defiant to the end, he is not content with simply dying.
He’s bringing you down with him.
Carey Plant has made his way to the big compost heap in the sky (i.e. the bin) and we truly face our shortcomings as a plant-looker-afterer.
But there a new hope is on the horizon. Thank the plant gods, for cacti and succulents are trendy again! I may never need to over water the stupid things in a panic ever again.
p.s. Who knew there’d be a gif of succulents? What a time to be alive.